dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
