Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
