i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
