a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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