i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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