i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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