my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
