Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
