I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
