so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
