I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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