Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
