billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
