Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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