There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
