Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
