I bet he comes in French.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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