I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
