theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
