An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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