Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
