for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
