God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
