Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
