He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
