The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We talked him into tasing himself.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
