I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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