his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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