I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
