By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
