i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I love having hate sex.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
