But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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