My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He passed out mid-signature
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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