my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
