I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
