so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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