so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
