I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
tell me about the eggs
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
