I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
