Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
