No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
