Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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