So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
