community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
