Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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