I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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