Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
