me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
is that a dick in a sweater?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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