You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
