My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
