his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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