My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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