I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
